第187 When he died we were all so sad and I cried an awful lot

At the age of 18 in 1971 I was drafted by the local government to help build roads in the mountains of Yunnan. It was pretty far from my hometown and I was driven there in an old army truck. I was given a pickaxe, a hammer, and a tent to live in. Both women and men worked together and because of this, I made some good friends. We all supported one another and when someone was tired or finding it hard then we’d let them rest and others would work a little harder. It was very hard work but working together made it easier. I was living and working in a very poor place, at times it was hard to find enough food for us to eat. I was there for three years and not once did I have the chance to visit home. Finally, in 1974 at the age of 21, I returned home to an arranged marriage. My parents had found a man for me, back then we were only allowed to marry within our minority. I didn't have the chance to meet him until the day we married. After returning home I didn't find a job but instead worked with my husband raising yaks and cows, making cloth and clothes and looking after our two children. Although we were poor and life wasn't easy we always looked up to the god-like figure in our life, Chairman Mao. 

Me and my family still very much love him even though he has been dead for quite some time now. When he died we were all so sad and I remembered I cried an awful lot. I still keep Chairman Mao's portrait on the wall of my house along with other Chinese leaders as well as pin badges with his face on which I sometimes wear on the clothes. As well as Chairman Mao, I also believe in Buddhism. As I've grown older, life's become much better and I have had the chance to visit Tibet to follow the religion I follow. I've been three times and I believe every Tibetan must go to Tibet at least once during their lifetime. Unfortunately, my parents didn't get the chance to go as back then no money and no way of getting there made it impossible to visit. On my way to Tibet, I saw many people walking there. They take three steps forward and then lay down on the road to pray. We would stop and talk to them and give them food and drink. I imagine it's very tough doing what they do. I also often go to the temple to pray. I take my beads and walk around an odd number of times. Each day at home before I sleep I will visit the small temple we have attached to the side of our house to pray and leave some food and there we also have a statue of Chairman Mao. I've always worn these clothes, even when I was fixing roads and I make them myself. I buy each piece in sections and then sew them together. I have two types of hats, one for summer and one for winter and the one for winter is made with sheep fur. At home, I will wear a hat made with black cloth but if I leave the house it'll either be pink or red. Red signifies good luck. While my husband is our looking after our yaks and my daughter is out collecting mushrooms I can stay at home and make cheese, bread, snort tobacco and look after my granddaughter. I'm much happier now.

Yunnan

1971年我18岁，当时国家招兵去云南修路。云南离我家很远，我是坐那种老式的军队大卡车去的，到了之后领了一把铁镐、一把锤子还有一顶帐篷就开始干活了。当时不管男女大家一起干活，我交了很多好朋友，我们那时候互相照应，有人干活干累了或者干不下来的时候，我们就把他们替下来，自己多干一点，让他们休息。修路很累，但是大家一起干，就好一点，我总共在那里待了3年，从来没有回过家，而且那里很穷，有时候都吃不饱。最后在1974年，也就是我21岁的时候，终于回家了，回家之后就结婚了，我丈夫是父母介绍安排的，那时候只能嫁给我们自己同族的人，我在结婚之前从来没见过我丈夫。我回家之后没有工作，帮我丈夫一起养牛，还会织布和照顾我们的两个孩子。尽管那时候很穷，生活很难，我们一直很敬仰一些伟大人物，比如毛泽东，虽然他去世很多年了，但是我和我家人现在还是很喜欢他，他去世的时候，我们都很难过，我记得我当时哭的特别伤心，我家里的墙上还贴着他的和其他领导人画像，有时候还把他头像的徽章别在衣服上。

除了很敬仰毛泽东之外，我还信佛。我现在年纪越来越大了，生活比以前好了很多，我能去西藏了解我自己信仰的宗教。我已经去过3次西藏了，我觉得每个西藏人一辈子至少要亲自去西藏一次。但是，我父母以前没有机会去西藏，比较可惜，他们以前没有钱，而且那时候没有通路，几乎不可能去那里。我去西藏的路上看到很多人去朝圣，他们走三步然后就趴在地上祷告。我们当时停下来和他们聊天，给他们一些食物和水，我觉得朝圣非常辛苦非常困难。我自己也经常去庙里祷告，带上珠子，绕着庙走双数圈。每天睡觉之前，我都会去我家旁边我们自己建的一个小庙祷告，供点食物，小庙里还有毛泽东的雕像。我一直都穿这样的衣服，去修路时候我也是自己缝衣服穿。我把各块布料买回来，自己再把它们缝起来。

我有两种帽子，一种夏天用另外一个冬天用，冬天的帽子是羊皮做的。在家的时候，我戴黑布织的帽子，出门就戴粉色或者红色的，红色代表好运。我现在生活的比以前开心很多，我丈夫主要负责照顾我们养的牛，我女儿采蘑菇，我可以在家待着，做点芝士、面包、鼻烟，再照顾照顾孙女。

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